Life according to....

Imagine for one second, that everyone talked hokglish ( hokien and english). Life'd be pretty damn funny. It'd be like Pua Chu Kang in high definition. Actually worst..

Hypothetical scenario 1:
A friend spots a girl that is quite pretty walking on the street. He calls out to you, "Oi! Ci bai! That ca bo quite chooi leh!"
You turn your head and concur, therefore you say, "Diao! Right la brother! She damn si bei nap! But the ca bo heng next to her ka na sai man!!"
Your friend agrees and you walk away.

Hypothetical scenario 2:
You walk on the street, a car comes within inches of knocking your socks off. You feel unsatisfied. So you shout, "Eh diao you la ci bai!!! Ka ni na!! Who taught you to drive one??!! Your lau bu ah??!! No wonder your driving ka na sai only la!! I call mata then only you know ah ci bai!!"
The guy looks baffled. You walk away with one last cry of CI BAI!!!!

Hypothetical scenario 3:
You want to go to the toilet. But your friends are curious. They want to follow you and know where your going. So you say:
"Why so kae po wan you?? I pang jioo you also want to follow? For what jiak pa bo seh cho is it??"

If your laughing than I rest my case, if your confused, I'll unconfuse you with a little tutorial later, if you just think this post is weird and stupid and won't come visit my blog again, ah well...its better than those filler posts eh.

Tutorial:
ci bai:not very nice way of calling a person
ca bo:girl
ca bo heng:technically its like calling a girl Ms. Girl..so basically just girl.
chooi (pronouced-chi ooooo):pretty
diao:its not hokien technically..but we still use it...its basically fuck.
si bei nep (pronounced-sii bey nep):its like calling a girl...er...very hot in a not very nice way.
ka na sai:just like shit...literally.
ka ni na:not a very nice word to say also.
mata:police.
kae po (pronounced-kaee po):busy body.
pang jiooo (pronounced-pang jii ooooo):piss.
jiak pa bo see cho:eat full full then nothing to do...basically it means nothing better to do.
lau bu:mother

Disclaimer:
The author wishes to add that the scenario's are extremely hypothetical and as such the reaction of each individual would differ accordingly. The author would also like to stress that not all hokiens curse as such and not all hokiens would result in shouting ci bai at the top of their lungs when confronted with such a situation. The author would like to appologise for any stereotyping of hokiens and subsequently would not like any hate comments from any hokiens. The author would like to stress that the purpose of this post is solely to entertain and not to discriminate and would like to also mention that he is a teochew/hokien and is proud to be one.