Christmas is red, but i am blue

I've been fine.

People've asked me why do i blog so sparsely then suddenly start blogging so often,
the answer is i don't know, to me blogging is about writing something meaningful and worth sharing instead of just ranting,
of course then there's also the fact that i'm too blardy lazy half the time la but that hardly counts.

So neways, we had prom a couple of weeks ago,
i must say, i've done lots of thinking about prom, and finally decided that it was pretty alright, i know some of you think it rocks and it was the best time you ever had and possibly ever will for the rest of your short or long lives but hey, bear with me,
i just imagined my prom slightly different,
i gave my speech, noone cried but then again with half the people talking while i was giving the speech i gave up a liltle.

So christmas's here, the time where it's better to give than it is to recieve,
meh..frankly i like receiving and i like it to stay that way,
but lately i find christmas rather lame, or stiff.
I mean its nothing like it used to be,
i mean yea..we get together and have a meal and go for mass, thats right,
i only go to chruch twice and christmas is one of them,
what happened to the thrill and excitement, some how i don't feel it anymore, christmas has become just another day of the year, boring,
and when i look back i feel kinda sad,
i want christmas to be like in the movies, magic, mystery, santafied,
meh..i guess it'll never happen, i think i've officially out grown christmas.

Balik kampunged this christmas to JB,
the flood is really bad btw, its pretty much flooded pretty bad along the highways, i even saw these kids pissing in the water cause their house was flooded..=S..
we had bbq, it was alright, didn't really do much, sat round, ate a bit, watched tv, then went back.

I have approximately 30 more days till i leave for Melbourne,
i don't know if i'm ready yet or not,
i want to leave,
but with a heavy heart,
there are so many things i haven't said,
maybe it'll never be heard.

So merry christmas guys and till next time...

Post SPM!!!

Its over!!!

Yup thats right baby!!
No more freaking exams for me, well at least till next year.
I haven't quite figured our what to do with my books yet, i know i'm definitely burning the papers, but books...not so sure, my conscience tells me not too but then again i don't listen to my conscience much so..
I've realised now that SPM's over, i'm actually quite bored. Honestly, i've got nothing to look forward too, i mean, i'm never gonna go futsal unless they have it in Ampang or Aiman suddenly decides to give me a lift,
watching a movie seems rather vague, maybe when eragon comes out,
hanging out is just really hard cause lets face it, everyone else lives somewhere besides Ampang, sides i doubt anyone wants to hang with me.

I find it rather ironic, that in the 5 years i've been in school i've never really belonged or been assosiated to with a clique, or maybe secretly i am but am utterly oblivious and unaware of it,
which would make me a very ignorant little boy,
but for as long as i remember, i haven't, unless the world has flipped and left me on its underside,
i've never been in petty clique arguements or gossips, but i suppose its a good thing, but then again it depends on how you look at it, i mean its good in a sense that you don't get tangled up in unnescessary mess,
but then we tend to miss the closeness and the knowing that we can depend on people who'd always be there,
maybe somethings are just meant to be missed.

Celebrated freedom today by watching Casino Royale.
I must say its pretty good, so much has been said bout Daniel Craig and his acting but i find him to be pretty good,
one of the best bonds in fact,
he's got the pompous, cold hearted, idontgiveashit kinda look,
but he also shows some vulnerability and i think thats whats been lacking in most bond flicks,
the plot in my opinion is slightly retarded, but the action scenes make up for it, definitely a grittier film then its predecessors,
i'd definitely recomend it whether you're a bond buff or not,
also one to be seen in the cinema.

"Vodka martini"
"Shaken or stirred?"
"Do i look like i give a damn!"

I had a rather interesting conversati0n with Shawn in the train regarding what i should do with my hair for prom,
according to him, i should consider "making it all stand",
hmm..not too sure bout that but considering,
despite his rather sinister reassurance that the idea would prove to be quite good, i'm not too sure bout it,
i suppose we'll just have to be suprised, decisions decisions decisions...

Vesper Lynd: That's why i'm going to keep my eyes on the money and not on your finely toned arse.
Bond: You noticed.

I was studying, like any good boy +)..
then i realised....TWO MORE MOTHER !@()^&#&^& DAYS!!!!*inhales and exhales rapidly and suddenly remembering that hormon adrenalina causes sudden excitement and anxiety*

So i'm pretty psyched now, seriously can't wait, even my freaking hands are sweating just thinking bout it, so tommorows the 7th day my grandpa passed, there's gonna be a 7th day rememberance,
or something likedat, apparently it takes 7 days for the soul to reach its destiny, my mum was pretty fascinated by the whole ordeal,
apparently they had a whole bunch of chinese opera people at the furneral for 5 days i think,
they were supposedly displaying his life, how he got to be who he was and all that stuff, i was rather intrigued cause i don't remember that happening when my granduncle passed, its really interesting how different cultures have different ways of celebrating the dead,
my mum said i should've gone but i kinda scorned at the idea, but then again it might've been a good idea.

Btw to my very few and rather phethetic audience, ai lin and rachel are back with a brand new trip.
Yup, its Cherating and its haapening on the 27-30 of December.
She says not to ask who's coming but we have to pay a downpayment of 100 bucks by Prom night.
More details will come soon.

Btw, i bought the new MCR album,
and i TOTALLY ROCKS!!!
love it to blits man, its much better than they're last album, slightly less heavier on the melody but very deep lyrically, i think they're best by far.
I realise that there are just so much crap out there nowadays,
on one corner you've got the rappers with cheap girls and blings and "sparklies", ever notice how repetative the entire ordeal is, flinging money and girls shaking booties, i honestly don't know how that works,
then you've got girls trying to sell their bodies, *sigh*...

Well thats that for now,
must be studying my bio now,
eventhough detest towards the subjects all i feel,
but,
the book calls,
as guilt sets in,
i must leave,
so till next time....

Cause the hardest part is leaving you-cancer,mcr

So long grandaddy

So its been more than a month.

I've been fine, incase you were wondering,
SPM's coming to an end, thats always good i guess, biology to go and thats that as they say,
as for those taking bk or econs sorry, not my problem,
i think i'ma burn my books and all the papers after SPM, just for the fun of it,
i was going to say throw the ashes in the sea but then i realised that the sea is relatively far from where i live, but still.

My grandpa passed away,
old age they say, 90 y.o. i think,
pretty long age eh, but sometimes i think, do you really have to live till your 90,
i've always thought it was just as excuse, prolonging the enevitable fact of death,
but hey, i could be wrong,
he passed on monday, round 7.30-ish i think,
i was trying to think of some fond memories i could remmeber him by, but i struggled,
cause nothing much came up, all i remember doing was calling out to him, "le ho bo?"-are you alright in teochew, then he'd mumble something which i always tought was unaudible but understood was a yes, but then again thats just the way he was,
a quiet man, but i suppose he was a nice man, maybe even kind, but i guess i never really knew,
will i miss him? i don't know, but you come to admire chinese culture really, we remember the person not by mourning but by celebrating, hence thats why we play cards and joke about when were supposed to cry, ofcourse we cry, but then we also laugh,

The trips are all pouring in, everyone's trying to set up trips here and there, in all honesty its all in vain if you ask me, but hey, whatever makes them happy eh,
i've also got my little trip thing going on but i doubt anyone wants to go to golok with me,
but its all good, i suppose it'll be another boring holiday coupled by another year of gruelling hardwork and tiring exams, sigh, but so is the life of thomas,
i've deicided that i'ma go on a road trip one of these days, maybe mexico, that'd be nice,
i suppose for now i'll have to settle for afternoon with friends and movie dates,

Well, thats it for me, be joyous guys!! SPM'S ALMOST OVER!!! Its so FREAKING CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT!!!! Taste kinda salty, and kenny might agree, till next time..

ps.
you HAVE to watch the latest KFC chicken ad, FREAKING FUNNY!!!
i was luaghing for 20 minutes watching that stupid ad, damn lame man!!!
"Nah, take la!?"...hehehe

King of the roads..almost =))

I pawn the roads man!! Muahahaha..i've just finished clocking in 8 hours of driving and now i'm eligible to take the test. YES!!! I'm gonna take the mock test or QTI on sat and if i pass i'll be able to take the test somewhere within the week. Woohoo!!! Righteous!!

Other then that the holidays prove to be rather useless. I think i've managed to finish one add math kertas 1. The rest of the time has been evenly divided between playing ps2 and tv. I'm not a big believer on study breaks but i have a feeling that i'ma have to start using the holidays for revision before i'm screwed.

My mum smsed me the other day from amsterdam. Says she's fine and having a great time. Yeah, well done mum, while i'm sitting in the living room watching reruns of the Simpson's. Fantastic, you know, i somehow wish i had went on that trip with my mum. It'll be a whole lot more interesting than sitting in the living room watching Homer getting drunk while the Quick-e-mart gets robbed by the SAME person. At least she's bringing home chocolates.=)

Went out with my dad today to get me a new putter, mines pretty much screwed, can't putt staright if my life depended on it. Neways, for the FIRST time in my life, highways were empty. Seriously empty man. There were probally one or two cars but that was about it. Its pretty scary if ya think bout it. I mean, its KL, since when are the streets empty. But i suppose it was good, or else i'd be stuck in the jam. So i got this kick ass putter (its for golf..incase you aren't familiar with golf lingo) and a new pair of golf shoes. Righteous!!

Liverpool lost, AGAIN. Its getting really annoying now, especially when you've got people like Justin messaging you all the time to remind you. Whats wrost is that liverpool lost to man u, MANCHESTER BLARDY UNITED of all teams. *sigh* I was really hoping liverpool would win this one, not only cause they could use the points since their 11th on the league now but with the win came serious bragging rights, i mean SERIOUS bragging right and probally FOR ONCE i wouldn't have to listen to Justin. But....its just a sad story.

It seems the haze it getting better. Maybe the stupid bastards in Sumatera finally pitied us, after all, we're the ones suffocating. I just don't get it, if ya can't stop them why don't you just kill those bastards, the world'd be better off without them. Fuiyo..sound like Hitler man. =) But then again i SUPPOSE killing IS bad. If ya look at it,its kinda stupid cause it happens year in year out and you'd think the Malaysian goverment would at least have the balls to address the matter instead of just giving us the IPU of each city.(wow...) Meh, then again half of them are probally busy taking bribes while the others just like sitting in their big ass offices.*sigh* And Malaysians, what can we do but wait for the IPU to sky rocket so we can at least get a holiday out of this ordeal.

I guess thats bout it for now. Had a great time last Friday =)). So till next time...

p.s...try reading "State of Fear" or "Airframe" by Micheal Crichton, really good.

RIGHTEOUS!!

Ola mi amigo! School was retarded, practically half the class was absent. Its like they just decided to declare themselves absent and just not come to school! Now i'm starting to wonder why i didn't do the same! Thomas you moron! I practically just sat in class and warmed up the seats and now i can't skip school on friday cause i need to go collect my progress sheet. Wake up at 6 in the morning then leave at 12 just to collect the progress report, what a blardy waste of time..*sigh*

So its official, the post examination activities are on now. Its the time of year where students can run like chickens and bark like a dog at the same time, unless your in form 5 ofcourse in which you, me included of course, will be subjected to the sidelines, becoming mere admirers. I kinda miss those times, but then again, i knew the time would come where i would eventually have to stand by the sidelines and watch it all pass. I really have no regrets, i've played my heart out during the post examinations for the past four years and i suppose time was up.

ONE MORE MONTH BABY!!!! Thats right, tomorrow, it'll OFFICIALLY one more month before the SPM. I'm honestly kinda excited, i can't wait for it to be over. It however seems as though more and more people are turning a bit lop-sided. I suppose its just strees.

On a lighter note my mom has offcially left for europe. She's going on a 10 day trip with my aunt who btw, has never been outstation except for singapore in her life. Initially i was supposed to accompany my mum but due to unfortunate circumstances namely the SPM i couldn't so now my aunt is filling my place. They'll be going to all the hot spots which i think i've pretty much been to. I told her to buy back chocs, although i'm pretty sure she'd do it whether i tell her too or not. She says in europe, the only thing worth buying in chocs and quite frankly i tend to agree. I think the only place she's gonna go to whcih i haven't is the Lourve, but i've still got plenty of time left in me to visit the Lourve, so not really bothered. One day, i'ma gonna take a road trip all around europe and maybe the states. I think that'd be nice, i think everyone should have a good road trip at least once in their life.

Well then, thats bout it really, its back to studying i suppose, only got one month to go, but honestly nowadays i'm finding it very hard to just go and study, i mean, it was already hard to begin with but now its just gotten harder, i feel as if there isn't much point studying now but no matter, i shall persevere and study my ass of during the holidays..right after i finish watching season 3 of one tree hill..=)). So to all you guys out there, depending on who you are, i bid you either a good time studying or happy hols. Thomas over and out....

Trouble in paradise?

Salute! So i'm back, i've just survived hell on earth (so to speak la) and i say it ain't half that bad. Got back all of my results and i'm not terribly happy, actually rather disappointed but hey watcha gonna do, i suppose thats life eh. But no matter, its all done now, nothing much i can do. at least i'll be getting all A's for my forcast results except moral, damn moral, i don't even know why we study moral, its the most hypocritical subject.

Once again i appologise for my irregular blogs, these past few days have been rather interesating for me, lots of contemplation took place, won't bother with the details. I find sometimes we are eluded by a false sense of reality. We think we know ourselves but really we don't, i've been thinking bout what others see me as, or as what i think others see me as, its kinda weird really cause different people see me differently, but i suppose thats just how it is.

I've finally found out why zabs has been acting strange and relatively ignoring me lately, and if you ask me its really stupid but, nah, can't be bothered any more. Say what would your ideal paradise/fantasy/dream world be like? I think i'd like mine to be something out of the books, prolly like narnia, except i'm king and i can do all those kick ass kung-fu moves and all that voodoo shit and just kick everyone's ass chinese style..waacha!!!lmao...but i guess it'd be cool, sides i always wanted to do all those kick ass kung-fu moves and just fly in air like all 'em chinese movie dudes..LOOK!! IT'S A BIRD! NO IT'S A PLANE! NO ITS THOMAS!!! =)

So guess thats it for now, damn liverpool..can't even beat blackburn, AT HOME!! *sigh* I'll be hearing this on monday and yea i suppose emo month is over but hey, watcha gonna do, when it comes it comes eh. O.o..i've also signed myself up for prom, i don't really know why, since i was so hell bent on not going but i dunno, i still wanna go to golok tho..oi adam, you wanna go to golok or not??

Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird- To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I feel guilty. Ever wonder why hurting the people that mean most to you hurts the most, and how its harder to ask for forgiveness, how its harder to forgive. I think its cause eventhough we forgive the pain is always there, the lingering memory of that one incident. And the fact that you know the person just adds to the heartache.

So the study break is here, i don't think it'll do any of us any good really, cause i think all we'll do is just procrastinate and then wonder why we didn't study when we were so conviniently given the time to do so. But like any good boy, i've tried, failing quite miserably. I think i managed to down a chapter of chem before the computer caught my eye. I think i'm gonna go watch a movie. Maybe next week. While watching i'll try and ignore the fact that SPM's only a month away, i don't think i can, but hey, i can always try.

I wonder if we'll ever see each other again after this year. We always said we would keep in touch so we could always find out what the other was doing but i wonder, will we? Many friends were made during this time and many will be lost at the end of this year. And for those going to the same college next year, we're merely prolonging the inevitable goodbye, making it harder than it has to be. We always talked about our future, how we want to be this and study there and do great things, but i suppose its these minor things we never think of. I'm not saying that we should live together and ignore our future, but i can't help but wonder sometimes. I wonder if years down the road, i'll remember the people i used to call friends in sec. school, or will they remember me. Or if we see each other in the streets, will we greet each other the same way we do know. Or will we feel the same about a person we like 5 years form now. I suppose there really is only one way to find out...

Thats bout it, and i'm sorry, i don't know if you're reading but if you are, i'm sure you know who you are, i'm sorry, i have no explanations except that i should've told you the truth even if i knew that you'd kill me and prolly be mad at me for a long time, but i still should've.

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in"- Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom

Teachers are dicks. Just so you know. So i have a very distinct feeling that i did rather badly for math, either that or zabs is ignoring me for some apparent reason which i don't know. I don't think i did badly for math though, frankly i think i did rather well for math, but now i'm just not sure, either that, or, like i said, she's ignoring me for no apparent reason. You know it'd be fine if we weren't having our exams but now i'm just paranoid.

Yes!!!!Trials are ALMOST over, ALMOST i say. Still got bio 3 but thats really nothing much. And so starts the most dreadfull part of facing an exam, the results. Why do the teachers mark the papers so damn fast??!! Ah well better now than later. Over all it was alright i guess, although many would beg to differ. So thats that eh, next up, SPM.

I've decided not to go out and watch miami vice instead, i'ma stay at home and sleep. Funny, i was hell bent on going out after the trials a couple of weeks ago, but now, i just don't wanna. I think i've become some what isolated since the exams started.

So thats bout it really....btw i'm still very paranoid...i don't think i scrwed my math paper up...or did i?? The answer is yet to be revealed.....

I'm the only gay eskimo..

So, in the middle of the trials we are and 5 and 1/3 of the papers we have finished. Three days left we have till the misery is over. Okay so i clearly suck at this yoda thing but whatever. So everyone's pretty much in the trials frenzy. You got people proclaiming that their going to fail when we all know that their gonna pass, then we got people like shobahn. I think there wasn't a single paper in the whole of this week where he didn't sleep. I doubt that'll change come next week but hey ya never know...Personally i think i did alright. Not too bad really. I think i could've done better for add math but hey watcha gonna do. When you got people like WHYE LEON who only lost ONE MARK in his ENTIRE PAPER 2!!!!! *sigh**chokes random object* watcha gonna do. But all in all its pretty good. Got kimia n sej next week so it ain't over yet.

Personally i think this trials period has done some good for me. Its got me away from certain people and closer to others and it sorta changes you. Its given me space to think abit. Its ironic how in all the clattering and murmuring, i can find peace of mind. And in the midst of it, i've sorta come to a conclusion on a few things.

I still haven't decided what i'm gonna do thats gonna change my life after the trials but rest assure i'll think of something, mean while anyone wanna go out next friday?? I really wanna watch miami vice and quite frankly, i don't wanna watch it alone. Apparently its pretty good..

Well thats bout it, so till next time...

p.s
I'm the only gay eskimo,
I'm the only one i know,
I'm the only gay eskimo,
In my tribe....
-tenacious d-

haha..the song's damn funny man!!!!

O.o

TRIALS!!!!ARGH!!!!!=(((.....
Thats right trials baby, one and a half weeks of pure adrenaline rushing fun. Staying up till 1 in themorning cramming facts and data that would seemingly prove rather useless, to most of us anyway. Had add math paper 2, bm k2 and bio k1. Not too bad really. Add math was a bit of a killer (stupid sukatan membulat). I'm pretty sure i did my hukum linear and the other graph question correctly, can't say much bout my janjang though, but nevermind. Trials so far so good, but the wrost, yet to come. Man thrusdays gonna be one heck of a day.

Right, moving on, regarding my back drop, can't really do much bout it, rather i'm too lazy to do anything bout it, so i guess it stays, i'm sorry if you can't see properly..=(. Neways, came back super tired today, something bout exams, always get headaches after exams and nearly lost it and screamed at my mum. She kept pestering on how i have to score at least 6A's for my trials or something will happen. Something bout my cousin doing better or something like that. Note to everyone out there, when someone's trying to cramp bio and sejarah at the same time, NEVER lecture them on how well they need to do in the exams. Neways, i managed to walk away, so i'm relatively calm now.

So back to bio now, gotta study spermatogenesis and oogenesis...*sigh*..so i've decided that once the trials are over, i'm gonna do something drastic, potentially life changing, i don't know what yet, but mark my words, i will..muahahahaha!!!!
So till next time.....

Salute!!!So...i've come to a conclusion that one just can't stop thinking for even a micro second and achieve ultimate stoning bliss, either that or i just really haven't mastered the art of stoning. So, as usual, i've been thiking. What makes life, life?? What makes us, us?? Sounds rather retarded but seriously, think for a minute. What could we have possibly done to put ourselves in such a predicament? I have concluded that there are just too many factors that account for the outcome of ones "life". Too many variables. I sometimes wonder if it were feasible to pin point an exact moment in time and relate it to some occurance in your life. It'd be cool though, to just go back to that exact point in time and change it, impossible as it may sound. But on a more realistic note, its nice to just reflect on the choices we make sometimes. Contemplate on all the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. Why we fell in love or why we didn't, how we changed or how we could've.

On a lighter note, we had our interact farewell today. That's right, to all you interactors who didn't come tough luck man. It came really as a supprise. I honestly didn't expect it but, hey, it happened neways, so if any of you guys reading out there, thanks a bunch. It wasn't really much to brag about really, but then again the most beautifull things come in the simplest form. Had tons of pizza (ate 9 slices myself..personal best so far) so we ate till we can't eat no more. It was really nice of zabs really, despite the countless times i told her not to have it, she still made it happen. Another chapter closes, another is yet to open.

So its officially no longer emo month but study-up-late-till-u-get-baggy-eyes month. Yup, trials next week. Funnily, i don't really feel anything. Other than the very sian feeling that the exams are coming, i don't really feel much bout the exams, emotionless even. I guess its one of those querks. I tend not to feel stressed when i'm supposed to. I don't know wether thats good or not, but hey, thats me eh.

I've just realised that it's pointless to go to the prom, for me anyways.
1:i don't have a date, and no, i don't intend to ask anyone, and don't ask why
2: its totally over priced note, especially for those of us who don't have a date.
3:i just don't really feel up to it, i think i'ma take up that offer that lynnie made =)
But i can't help but feel sorry for sammie though. I mean after all, she organised the thing. I've heard quite a few people intend to botcott the event, cause, well, its expensive.

I've decided that during the hols, i'm gonna pick a week and go on a cross country trip to golok. I dunno whats it bout golok thats got me facinated, but i just really wanna go to golok. If any of you wanna join me your more than welcomed to p.s. virginity not guaranteed =)). So thats it from me for now, have fun studying guys and i'll see you in the exam hall =))).
So till next time.....

HELLO PEOPLE OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!! hehe...So i've been around stoning as usual lately and i just realised that no one visits my site anymore..save a few souls, noone actually visits my blog anymore nowadays. I feel sad. Either that or you guys just drop by and refuse to tag, therefore i ask you aquestion, is it so hard to tag?? Just write a few words, even a simple hello would do, its not like your gonna write an entire essay.

It rained again today, and i didn't go to tuition agian today. Honestly, i dunno why i'm taking tuition classes anymore. Its not like i really need them. But i suppose if you've been taking tuition classes since standard 3 it kinda kicks in as a necessity. So i got a new pencil box. Well actually i got it sometime ago. To some of you this seems rather trivial, but i must tell you that i haven't changed my pencil box since i was in darjah 5. An extraordinarily long life for a pencil box eh. I just don't see the point in changing something that works. I mean, it works, why change it. Besides i've grown rather fond of my pencil box. Come to think of it, it has been through UPSR, PMR and (well pretty soon neways) SPM. Hah..take that you pencil box junnkies who change your pencil box so often that you spend more money on them then your underwear!!! I wonder if theres a place where they have professional pencil box fixers....do let me know if you find one.But inevitably, i will change my pencil box. I'm just waiting for the right moment, a significant moment, almost life-changing, like a tornado to hit my house, or maybe Bill Gates to give me a gazillion bucks. At this rate i'm gonna have to wait till my pencil box disintegrates and turns all powdery and stuff, but hey..ya never know.

So thats pretty much it...my 10 mins break is almost over and i'ma go back to bio now.So..till next time....

So so..

Okay, so i've been sitting on my chair staring at my com thinking of what to blog for ages now, and i guess i finally have something to blog about. I think, i don't know, i think i do, so i'll just get on with it. Right first things first, ARGHH DAMN ITS COLD IN MY ROOM!!! Right then. Okay, so i've been thinking alot lately and stoning lately and apprently not studying enough, but anyways, what would you do if you had to choose between your father or your mother? Quite frankly i don't know really. I've been having these really vivid dreams about death and really unsavoury things happening. Its really got me thinking. There's this dream where i was driving and i wound up at some ulu kampung and i knocked down an old man and he died. And i was running away from the kampung people who were looking around for me. Yea, i know sounds like some 3rd rate CSI show but it was much less funnier then it sounds. Sometimes i get the feeling that we just seem to exist, that were just part of the world, and if we go, it doesn't really matter, cause the world will go on and we'll just be replaced. Sometimes, were too consumed with the big picture that we eventually loose track of the little things, things that make life worth living for, things that make us real, that make us live instead of just existing.

I've been thinking about couples alot lately. Its great ain't it, to have someone to hold on too, to talk too, to share your thoughts with. But sometimes i wonder if its real. I mean, yea, i know your an item and all, but i seriously wonder what defines a couple?? I mean is just being together when we happen to see you in school or outside really enough?? Does hanging out together all the time count?? Intriguing eh?? I see so many couples, but i really question their level of commitment. I mean yea we all SAY we'd to just about ANYTHING for her (eh guys??) but do we ACTUALLY mean it?? We say so often that we LOVE her but do we?? Personally i think half you guys out there are just for show. To all you couples, don't come chasing me with a parang just yet, but ask yourself do you really love her?? Do you think of her all the time?? Do you regret every moment not spent with her?? Of course i'm not saying that everyone out there is faking it, but, well, u get the point.

So apparently zabs cried eh. Well i don't really know what to make of it and i will just leave it at that. She's a tough cookie to crack, and quite frankly, i don't wanna try. Right so back to the question, what would you do if you had to choose, mom or dad?? I've been thinking bout it for quite sometime now (and no..nothings wrong with me, my families fine), and i've come to a conclusion that if that happens i'd prolly just disown myself. Cause i think its easier to just be seperated then to just choose. Funny eh, i think its an 'only child' kinda thing. Not expecting any feed back from this Q n A but hey, feel free. I've noticed that a whole bunch of ppl have been feeling emo really. Els, lynn, Stef, and a whole bunch of other ppl which i don't really know but it was great reading ur blog neways =), and i think i'ma call this month "emo month"..yay!!

So thats about it, i've just realised that this may be the logest post i've ever written but hey, who gives a flying shit neways. So to all ya emo ppl out there, happy emo-ing. To all ya'll who haven't been infected yet, there's still 27 days. And to all ya'll emo ppl, if ya ever need someone to talk to i'm always free and i swear its not cause i want free gossip, but if ya really find that life sucks and ya need someone to talk to ( eh els..i sit next to you in case you forgot) find me, call me, CRY OUT MY NAME, and i shall answer..hehe..so till next time....

Okay, so i'm alive, apparently. So its been a while eh?? For my undying fans sorry to keep you waiting ; not that I have any but hey, who cares. Yup, its been i think round 4 months since my last blog. Talk about a hiatus eh. So i suppose my faithfull fans would like an explanation eh. Well you see, my computer has been busted for at least 3 months so that explains the most part of it, and as for the past month, i dunno, jus didn't really feel like blogging, but then again i rarely feel like blogging anyway, and i probably shouldn't cause of the trials and all that but what the heck eh; sides, its been a while.
So lets see, 'merdeka' i guess. I'm finally retired, both as a prefect and interactor, but then again once an interactor always one eh, same goes with prefects i suppose but hell i won't be doing any more assemblies or worrying about any more projects, so that must count as something eh. But honestly, its been a bitter sweet year for me. I've been put under alot of *&^%$$# lately but hey, i'm fine eh, just like how i always am. But yeah, we had the interact installation or farewell, depends on how you look at it and besides the sketch (SUUUPPPEEER LAME) it was alright i suppose(thanks dudes for da support, much love man), but zabs was at it again. For some reason she's been really, i won't say evil, but rather ignorant and childish towards me, thing is i don't really know why. Why?? Its really been bothering me lately. I mean i know i screwed up on thrus and all being late but seriously whats up?? One of those life mysteries i suppose, rather annoying if you ask me o.O. She should be like salfy man, learn how to detach. But neways, i suppose i can let it bother me much, besides she's teachin me maths. Wed was also moronic though. I had this entire speech writen in bm...BM!!! (thanks elsa for helpin) just to realise that i din't have to do it. WTF??!!! *annoyed* and best thing is they told me that i was supposed to be emcee instead. Yeah, fantastic, all he needs is one days notice, don't mind that i have trials and he has to study. But i suppose it turned out alright. At least fat P thanked me later.
Right with regards to the question posted on the previous post, i swear i wasn't talking bout my personal life and was merely posting a random question so as to see if anyone was ACTUALLY reading my blog, turns out people do read my blog and i am not i reapeat NOT in love or have a crush on any FORM 4 GIRL ( fantastic mates, i dunno where u guys come up with these random facts). Having said that i've recently realised that couples are springing up like bunnies in easter. I have a theory that i will not share with you as it may anger a few of you so i have decided to keep it to myself and have just realised that this line is totally useless but i'm too lazy to delete it so i'll just let it stay, but if you are interested just ask me, i'd be more than happy to share it with you. Anyway, the prom hype has really kicked in eventhough the trails haven't even begun. I mean everywhere, you hear people wanting to ask this dude out or have already asked. I suppose it shouldn't bother me but somehow it does. Something about not wanting to wind up alone i suppose, come to think of it, its pretty scary not to mention rather pathetic.
Well guess thats about it. Its been a pleasure blogging again and i suppose you can expect more frequent blogs in shorter time spans, i hope. Before i go, i'd like to give a shout out to all ya new and old love birds, you know who you are, and quite frankly so do i, may you always cherish the person next to you and may you never let anything come between you and let the shadow of loniness cover your souls. Cherish every moment and enjoy every second for you never know when it might end. To you aspiring love heads, there's enough drama in the school, don't you think so??

Ola mi amigo. I've just recently realised that i am slowly but very surely turning into a nerd. The signs are rather subtle but they are still signs nontheless. I have no idea when it all started but its getting to me. Example, i don't go out with ppl to hang no more. I have turned down offers to go watch movies with ppl who are very beatifull and would definitely not mind knowing(seriously, literally beautifull as in facial features and the whole works) and recently i have been obsessed with physics and add math. note: i've been re-reading the entire passage 3 times and i must admit, its kinda scary.

Anyways, so it was honours day today. Needless to say it was boring. Keangston, me and the rest of the board and some librarians and some scouts and some pbsm dudes and a couple of monitors were stationed outside the hall today. They even gave us a name-guard of honours- wow..zzZZ. Prolly got tired of escorts. Neways it was pretty cool seeing ex school mates, not like i really know them at all but it was in some alternative-frequential way interesting. I also noticed that a select few enjoyed walking back and forth up and down the stairs. I think they like it when all of us greet them and they prolly get a kick outa listening to other lower and unimportant ppl calling them sirs or madams. Sadistic bastards. Neways went back at round 10.30, i initially was gonna ask for a lift since my parents so conviniently decided to service their cars at the same time nabeh!! But since she was gonna, actually she had to stay for the entire thing i caio-ed first. Managed to finish my chem project!! wOOhOO!! Dude..that sounds so nerdy..=(

Neways life seems to be moving quite smoothly at the moment, not that many hiccups so far. Got tons of projects coming up so that should be rather interesting. OOO.ooo i've got a question to all my faithfull and adoring viewers. Say supposing you've liked this dude for like the longest of times and all this while you've been infactuating about this person, thinking that she's way outta ya leaugue BUT suddenly by some shit luck you suddenly got to really know this chick as in be friends with her or him..wateva really..depends on whether you dig chicks or not..right..so yea..my question is, after all this time, and all the infactuation and all the day dreaming and the entire works she's now practically in your circle, would you finally tell her about how you feel or pull the good guy mode and just continue being her friend and not tell her about it?

O.o funky..i don't believe i just posted that Q & A but neways i'd really like to know so do enlighten me. Riteo..thats basically it, O.o before i forget to all interactors reading this..actually to lynn and stef the jap dude ain't coming on mon but will be coming the week after and apprently instead of staying for a day she'll be doing a week, so yea..jus so ya guys know.So untill next time.....

P.S..i'm a grizly bear..hehehe..ROAR!!!

my chinese new year....>.<

so thats that eh..out with the old and in with the new they say..any truth in that i often ask when the old is for rememberence and the new is for experience..but so be it..the new year's come without much of a bang i must say..this years chinese new year is kinda..bleak...the just isn't the old gusto about it that made us all drool over the thought of chinese new year..i think i speak for the general public when i say that chinese new year has lost its flare..yea people still gamble, yea we still drink but the money we win just isn't that sweeter and the beer just a bit more bitter..

i wonder whether it all has to do with tradition..yea sure its stupid..i mean don't wash your hair on chinese new year day..not wearing black and not cursing throughout chinese new year..yeah right!!i wonder what all the asian goths have to say about that..but come to think of it tradition does make chinese new year that little bit more special..and in this case, the very essence which it lacks..enough with that..back to my chinese new year

well, as you can probably tell by now, my chinese new year was, well, bleak. nothing much happened. actually nothing happened at all. lets see, watched memoirs of a geisha with the usuals, good show btw, which i am sure my dear readers would know since people who read my blog only consists of a certain few which i am sure they are aware of who they are and never ever seem to tag my board which makes my life infinitely sadder. right back to my life, lets see, after much contemplation between my parents we decided to go back to batu pahat after all, what happened in between is rather complex like a kompleks enzim-substrat. so we went there hung around ate dinner stayed fdor two nights, incredibly boring stuff got ang pow(that honestly was the best part), played golf and that was it. then packed for johor bahru on the second day of cny got there ate lunch, went for dinner went visiting, listened to old geezers talking about their yesteryears and how lucky we should be(nabeh!!) got ang pows(again the best part) and went back the next day. chinese new year?? what chinese new year?? where are all the drunkenness and all the gambling!!! geez..even my ang pow collection suffered cause of the "nogambling "policy going round nowadays. WTF??!!

haih.....*sigh* chinese new year really isn't what it used to be back then. it seems everyone's feeling the stress now, some unforseen force has put a 10 ton brick on everyone's shoulders it seems. i mean chinese new year seems to be a passing fad thats very quickly evaporating. it seems nowadays people are just more interested in resting and just lazing around(including myself i must say) then doing stuff that we call traditional and chinesenewyeary. yea there's the ang pows but really think about it, are they doing it as a sign of good luck and fortune or are they just doing it so that the little kids would shut the hell up at let them watch more football(man u lost wakakakakaka!!!!). but i guess i shouldn't complain, as long as they keep giving i'll keep taking i suppose. but one things for sure, i've certainly grown fatter. yup, thanks to all the glorious food..O GLORIOUS FOOD(the ONLY good thing about cny this year next to the ang pows of course) they kept feeding me and feeding me. glorious or chien and you char kuih mmmmm..food*drolls homer style*

well thats that eh. yup thats my chinese new year, my last one here to,off to melbourne next year, my last chance here and what a dissapointment i must say it is. but boo hoo life goes on eh, and as they say, thats all folks join me next time, same place as ever, god knows i ain't movin'

oh..before i forget..have a swinga dingalin chinese new year ya'll!!

p.s. GUYS!!!!TAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLiNd..
LiFehoUse


I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

new year review

wazzup peeps..wokay since it is the new year i thought i should do a year 2005 review

so...in the last year i have...

1) talked to ppl i thought i would never talk to
2) mixed with ppl i thought i'd never mix with
3) been SOOOO nervous i thought my heart would explode
4) been SOOOO depressed i thought i might kill myself
5) did things i thought i never had the guts to do
6) became the vice captain
7) was voted as the president of the interact club..(woohoo!!)
8) was admited to the hospital...twice
9) got myself into an accident with a motorcycle
10) and finally...got myself drunk on christmas eve

so i'd say it was a pretty eventfull year...i laughed a whole lot..almost cried for a bit and had so many injuries i tink u could circle the world with my bandages..so yea..i'd say it was a good year and i hope that the next year and the next and the next will only be better

so with that i bid everyone who reads this blog a happy new year and may your years keep getting better and better =)