Teachers are dicks. Just so you know. So i have a very distinct feeling that i did rather badly for math, either that or zabs is ignoring me for some apparent reason which i don't know. I don't think i did badly for math though, frankly i think i did rather well for math, but now i'm just not sure, either that, or, like i said, she's ignoring me for no apparent reason. You know it'd be fine if we weren't having our exams but now i'm just paranoid.

Yes!!!!Trials are ALMOST over, ALMOST i say. Still got bio 3 but thats really nothing much. And so starts the most dreadfull part of facing an exam, the results. Why do the teachers mark the papers so damn fast??!! Ah well better now than later. Over all it was alright i guess, although many would beg to differ. So thats that eh, next up, SPM.

I've decided not to go out and watch miami vice instead, i'ma stay at home and sleep. Funny, i was hell bent on going out after the trials a couple of weeks ago, but now, i just don't wanna. I think i've become some what isolated since the exams started.

So thats bout it really....btw i'm still very paranoid...i don't think i scrwed my math paper up...or did i?? The answer is yet to be revealed.....

I'm the only gay eskimo..

So, in the middle of the trials we are and 5 and 1/3 of the papers we have finished. Three days left we have till the misery is over. Okay so i clearly suck at this yoda thing but whatever. So everyone's pretty much in the trials frenzy. You got people proclaiming that their going to fail when we all know that their gonna pass, then we got people like shobahn. I think there wasn't a single paper in the whole of this week where he didn't sleep. I doubt that'll change come next week but hey ya never know...Personally i think i did alright. Not too bad really. I think i could've done better for add math but hey watcha gonna do. When you got people like WHYE LEON who only lost ONE MARK in his ENTIRE PAPER 2!!!!! *sigh**chokes random object* watcha gonna do. But all in all its pretty good. Got kimia n sej next week so it ain't over yet.

Personally i think this trials period has done some good for me. Its got me away from certain people and closer to others and it sorta changes you. Its given me space to think abit. Its ironic how in all the clattering and murmuring, i can find peace of mind. And in the midst of it, i've sorta come to a conclusion on a few things.

I still haven't decided what i'm gonna do thats gonna change my life after the trials but rest assure i'll think of something, mean while anyone wanna go out next friday?? I really wanna watch miami vice and quite frankly, i don't wanna watch it alone. Apparently its pretty good..

Well thats bout it, so till next time...

p.s
I'm the only gay eskimo,
I'm the only one i know,
I'm the only gay eskimo,
In my tribe....
-tenacious d-

haha..the song's damn funny man!!!!

O.o

TRIALS!!!!ARGH!!!!!=(((.....
Thats right trials baby, one and a half weeks of pure adrenaline rushing fun. Staying up till 1 in themorning cramming facts and data that would seemingly prove rather useless, to most of us anyway. Had add math paper 2, bm k2 and bio k1. Not too bad really. Add math was a bit of a killer (stupid sukatan membulat). I'm pretty sure i did my hukum linear and the other graph question correctly, can't say much bout my janjang though, but nevermind. Trials so far so good, but the wrost, yet to come. Man thrusdays gonna be one heck of a day.

Right, moving on, regarding my back drop, can't really do much bout it, rather i'm too lazy to do anything bout it, so i guess it stays, i'm sorry if you can't see properly..=(. Neways, came back super tired today, something bout exams, always get headaches after exams and nearly lost it and screamed at my mum. She kept pestering on how i have to score at least 6A's for my trials or something will happen. Something bout my cousin doing better or something like that. Note to everyone out there, when someone's trying to cramp bio and sejarah at the same time, NEVER lecture them on how well they need to do in the exams. Neways, i managed to walk away, so i'm relatively calm now.

So back to bio now, gotta study spermatogenesis and oogenesis...*sigh*..so i've decided that once the trials are over, i'm gonna do something drastic, potentially life changing, i don't know what yet, but mark my words, i will..muahahahaha!!!!
So till next time.....

Salute!!!So...i've come to a conclusion that one just can't stop thinking for even a micro second and achieve ultimate stoning bliss, either that or i just really haven't mastered the art of stoning. So, as usual, i've been thiking. What makes life, life?? What makes us, us?? Sounds rather retarded but seriously, think for a minute. What could we have possibly done to put ourselves in such a predicament? I have concluded that there are just too many factors that account for the outcome of ones "life". Too many variables. I sometimes wonder if it were feasible to pin point an exact moment in time and relate it to some occurance in your life. It'd be cool though, to just go back to that exact point in time and change it, impossible as it may sound. But on a more realistic note, its nice to just reflect on the choices we make sometimes. Contemplate on all the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. Why we fell in love or why we didn't, how we changed or how we could've.

On a lighter note, we had our interact farewell today. That's right, to all you interactors who didn't come tough luck man. It came really as a supprise. I honestly didn't expect it but, hey, it happened neways, so if any of you guys reading out there, thanks a bunch. It wasn't really much to brag about really, but then again the most beautifull things come in the simplest form. Had tons of pizza (ate 9 slices myself..personal best so far) so we ate till we can't eat no more. It was really nice of zabs really, despite the countless times i told her not to have it, she still made it happen. Another chapter closes, another is yet to open.

So its officially no longer emo month but study-up-late-till-u-get-baggy-eyes month. Yup, trials next week. Funnily, i don't really feel anything. Other than the very sian feeling that the exams are coming, i don't really feel much bout the exams, emotionless even. I guess its one of those querks. I tend not to feel stressed when i'm supposed to. I don't know wether thats good or not, but hey, thats me eh.

I've just realised that it's pointless to go to the prom, for me anyways.
1:i don't have a date, and no, i don't intend to ask anyone, and don't ask why
2: its totally over priced note, especially for those of us who don't have a date.
3:i just don't really feel up to it, i think i'ma take up that offer that lynnie made =)
But i can't help but feel sorry for sammie though. I mean after all, she organised the thing. I've heard quite a few people intend to botcott the event, cause, well, its expensive.

I've decided that during the hols, i'm gonna pick a week and go on a cross country trip to golok. I dunno whats it bout golok thats got me facinated, but i just really wanna go to golok. If any of you wanna join me your more than welcomed to p.s. virginity not guaranteed =)). So thats it from me for now, have fun studying guys and i'll see you in the exam hall =))).
So till next time.....

HELLO PEOPLE OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!! hehe...So i've been around stoning as usual lately and i just realised that no one visits my site anymore..save a few souls, noone actually visits my blog anymore nowadays. I feel sad. Either that or you guys just drop by and refuse to tag, therefore i ask you aquestion, is it so hard to tag?? Just write a few words, even a simple hello would do, its not like your gonna write an entire essay.

It rained again today, and i didn't go to tuition agian today. Honestly, i dunno why i'm taking tuition classes anymore. Its not like i really need them. But i suppose if you've been taking tuition classes since standard 3 it kinda kicks in as a necessity. So i got a new pencil box. Well actually i got it sometime ago. To some of you this seems rather trivial, but i must tell you that i haven't changed my pencil box since i was in darjah 5. An extraordinarily long life for a pencil box eh. I just don't see the point in changing something that works. I mean, it works, why change it. Besides i've grown rather fond of my pencil box. Come to think of it, it has been through UPSR, PMR and (well pretty soon neways) SPM. Hah..take that you pencil box junnkies who change your pencil box so often that you spend more money on them then your underwear!!! I wonder if theres a place where they have professional pencil box fixers....do let me know if you find one.But inevitably, i will change my pencil box. I'm just waiting for the right moment, a significant moment, almost life-changing, like a tornado to hit my house, or maybe Bill Gates to give me a gazillion bucks. At this rate i'm gonna have to wait till my pencil box disintegrates and turns all powdery and stuff, but hey..ya never know.

So thats pretty much it...my 10 mins break is almost over and i'ma go back to bio now.So..till next time....

So so..

Okay, so i've been sitting on my chair staring at my com thinking of what to blog for ages now, and i guess i finally have something to blog about. I think, i don't know, i think i do, so i'll just get on with it. Right first things first, ARGHH DAMN ITS COLD IN MY ROOM!!! Right then. Okay, so i've been thinking alot lately and stoning lately and apprently not studying enough, but anyways, what would you do if you had to choose between your father or your mother? Quite frankly i don't know really. I've been having these really vivid dreams about death and really unsavoury things happening. Its really got me thinking. There's this dream where i was driving and i wound up at some ulu kampung and i knocked down an old man and he died. And i was running away from the kampung people who were looking around for me. Yea, i know sounds like some 3rd rate CSI show but it was much less funnier then it sounds. Sometimes i get the feeling that we just seem to exist, that were just part of the world, and if we go, it doesn't really matter, cause the world will go on and we'll just be replaced. Sometimes, were too consumed with the big picture that we eventually loose track of the little things, things that make life worth living for, things that make us real, that make us live instead of just existing.

I've been thinking about couples alot lately. Its great ain't it, to have someone to hold on too, to talk too, to share your thoughts with. But sometimes i wonder if its real. I mean, yea, i know your an item and all, but i seriously wonder what defines a couple?? I mean is just being together when we happen to see you in school or outside really enough?? Does hanging out together all the time count?? Intriguing eh?? I see so many couples, but i really question their level of commitment. I mean yea we all SAY we'd to just about ANYTHING for her (eh guys??) but do we ACTUALLY mean it?? We say so often that we LOVE her but do we?? Personally i think half you guys out there are just for show. To all you couples, don't come chasing me with a parang just yet, but ask yourself do you really love her?? Do you think of her all the time?? Do you regret every moment not spent with her?? Of course i'm not saying that everyone out there is faking it, but, well, u get the point.

So apparently zabs cried eh. Well i don't really know what to make of it and i will just leave it at that. She's a tough cookie to crack, and quite frankly, i don't wanna try. Right so back to the question, what would you do if you had to choose, mom or dad?? I've been thinking bout it for quite sometime now (and no..nothings wrong with me, my families fine), and i've come to a conclusion that if that happens i'd prolly just disown myself. Cause i think its easier to just be seperated then to just choose. Funny eh, i think its an 'only child' kinda thing. Not expecting any feed back from this Q n A but hey, feel free. I've noticed that a whole bunch of ppl have been feeling emo really. Els, lynn, Stef, and a whole bunch of other ppl which i don't really know but it was great reading ur blog neways =), and i think i'ma call this month "emo month"..yay!!

So thats about it, i've just realised that this may be the logest post i've ever written but hey, who gives a flying shit neways. So to all ya emo ppl out there, happy emo-ing. To all ya'll who haven't been infected yet, there's still 27 days. And to all ya'll emo ppl, if ya ever need someone to talk to i'm always free and i swear its not cause i want free gossip, but if ya really find that life sucks and ya need someone to talk to ( eh els..i sit next to you in case you forgot) find me, call me, CRY OUT MY NAME, and i shall answer..hehe..so till next time....

Okay, so i'm alive, apparently. So its been a while eh?? For my undying fans sorry to keep you waiting ; not that I have any but hey, who cares. Yup, its been i think round 4 months since my last blog. Talk about a hiatus eh. So i suppose my faithfull fans would like an explanation eh. Well you see, my computer has been busted for at least 3 months so that explains the most part of it, and as for the past month, i dunno, jus didn't really feel like blogging, but then again i rarely feel like blogging anyway, and i probably shouldn't cause of the trials and all that but what the heck eh; sides, its been a while.
So lets see, 'merdeka' i guess. I'm finally retired, both as a prefect and interactor, but then again once an interactor always one eh, same goes with prefects i suppose but hell i won't be doing any more assemblies or worrying about any more projects, so that must count as something eh. But honestly, its been a bitter sweet year for me. I've been put under alot of *&^%$$# lately but hey, i'm fine eh, just like how i always am. But yeah, we had the interact installation or farewell, depends on how you look at it and besides the sketch (SUUUPPPEEER LAME) it was alright i suppose(thanks dudes for da support, much love man), but zabs was at it again. For some reason she's been really, i won't say evil, but rather ignorant and childish towards me, thing is i don't really know why. Why?? Its really been bothering me lately. I mean i know i screwed up on thrus and all being late but seriously whats up?? One of those life mysteries i suppose, rather annoying if you ask me o.O. She should be like salfy man, learn how to detach. But neways, i suppose i can let it bother me much, besides she's teachin me maths. Wed was also moronic though. I had this entire speech writen in bm...BM!!! (thanks elsa for helpin) just to realise that i din't have to do it. WTF??!!! *annoyed* and best thing is they told me that i was supposed to be emcee instead. Yeah, fantastic, all he needs is one days notice, don't mind that i have trials and he has to study. But i suppose it turned out alright. At least fat P thanked me later.
Right with regards to the question posted on the previous post, i swear i wasn't talking bout my personal life and was merely posting a random question so as to see if anyone was ACTUALLY reading my blog, turns out people do read my blog and i am not i reapeat NOT in love or have a crush on any FORM 4 GIRL ( fantastic mates, i dunno where u guys come up with these random facts). Having said that i've recently realised that couples are springing up like bunnies in easter. I have a theory that i will not share with you as it may anger a few of you so i have decided to keep it to myself and have just realised that this line is totally useless but i'm too lazy to delete it so i'll just let it stay, but if you are interested just ask me, i'd be more than happy to share it with you. Anyway, the prom hype has really kicked in eventhough the trails haven't even begun. I mean everywhere, you hear people wanting to ask this dude out or have already asked. I suppose it shouldn't bother me but somehow it does. Something about not wanting to wind up alone i suppose, come to think of it, its pretty scary not to mention rather pathetic.
Well guess thats about it. Its been a pleasure blogging again and i suppose you can expect more frequent blogs in shorter time spans, i hope. Before i go, i'd like to give a shout out to all ya new and old love birds, you know who you are, and quite frankly so do i, may you always cherish the person next to you and may you never let anything come between you and let the shadow of loniness cover your souls. Cherish every moment and enjoy every second for you never know when it might end. To you aspiring love heads, there's enough drama in the school, don't you think so??

Ola mi amigo. I've just recently realised that i am slowly but very surely turning into a nerd. The signs are rather subtle but they are still signs nontheless. I have no idea when it all started but its getting to me. Example, i don't go out with ppl to hang no more. I have turned down offers to go watch movies with ppl who are very beatifull and would definitely not mind knowing(seriously, literally beautifull as in facial features and the whole works) and recently i have been obsessed with physics and add math. note: i've been re-reading the entire passage 3 times and i must admit, its kinda scary.

Anyways, so it was honours day today. Needless to say it was boring. Keangston, me and the rest of the board and some librarians and some scouts and some pbsm dudes and a couple of monitors were stationed outside the hall today. They even gave us a name-guard of honours- wow..zzZZ. Prolly got tired of escorts. Neways it was pretty cool seeing ex school mates, not like i really know them at all but it was in some alternative-frequential way interesting. I also noticed that a select few enjoyed walking back and forth up and down the stairs. I think they like it when all of us greet them and they prolly get a kick outa listening to other lower and unimportant ppl calling them sirs or madams. Sadistic bastards. Neways went back at round 10.30, i initially was gonna ask for a lift since my parents so conviniently decided to service their cars at the same time nabeh!! But since she was gonna, actually she had to stay for the entire thing i caio-ed first. Managed to finish my chem project!! wOOhOO!! Dude..that sounds so nerdy..=(

Neways life seems to be moving quite smoothly at the moment, not that many hiccups so far. Got tons of projects coming up so that should be rather interesting. OOO.ooo i've got a question to all my faithfull and adoring viewers. Say supposing you've liked this dude for like the longest of times and all this while you've been infactuating about this person, thinking that she's way outta ya leaugue BUT suddenly by some shit luck you suddenly got to really know this chick as in be friends with her or him..wateva really..depends on whether you dig chicks or not..right..so yea..my question is, after all this time, and all the infactuation and all the day dreaming and the entire works she's now practically in your circle, would you finally tell her about how you feel or pull the good guy mode and just continue being her friend and not tell her about it?

O.o funky..i don't believe i just posted that Q & A but neways i'd really like to know so do enlighten me. Riteo..thats basically it, O.o before i forget to all interactors reading this..actually to lynn and stef the jap dude ain't coming on mon but will be coming the week after and apprently instead of staying for a day she'll be doing a week, so yea..jus so ya guys know.So untill next time.....

P.S..i'm a grizly bear..hehehe..ROAR!!!

my chinese new year....>.<

so thats that eh..out with the old and in with the new they say..any truth in that i often ask when the old is for rememberence and the new is for experience..but so be it..the new year's come without much of a bang i must say..this years chinese new year is kinda..bleak...the just isn't the old gusto about it that made us all drool over the thought of chinese new year..i think i speak for the general public when i say that chinese new year has lost its flare..yea people still gamble, yea we still drink but the money we win just isn't that sweeter and the beer just a bit more bitter..

i wonder whether it all has to do with tradition..yea sure its stupid..i mean don't wash your hair on chinese new year day..not wearing black and not cursing throughout chinese new year..yeah right!!i wonder what all the asian goths have to say about that..but come to think of it tradition does make chinese new year that little bit more special..and in this case, the very essence which it lacks..enough with that..back to my chinese new year

well, as you can probably tell by now, my chinese new year was, well, bleak. nothing much happened. actually nothing happened at all. lets see, watched memoirs of a geisha with the usuals, good show btw, which i am sure my dear readers would know since people who read my blog only consists of a certain few which i am sure they are aware of who they are and never ever seem to tag my board which makes my life infinitely sadder. right back to my life, lets see, after much contemplation between my parents we decided to go back to batu pahat after all, what happened in between is rather complex like a kompleks enzim-substrat. so we went there hung around ate dinner stayed fdor two nights, incredibly boring stuff got ang pow(that honestly was the best part), played golf and that was it. then packed for johor bahru on the second day of cny got there ate lunch, went for dinner went visiting, listened to old geezers talking about their yesteryears and how lucky we should be(nabeh!!) got ang pows(again the best part) and went back the next day. chinese new year?? what chinese new year?? where are all the drunkenness and all the gambling!!! geez..even my ang pow collection suffered cause of the "nogambling "policy going round nowadays. WTF??!!

haih.....*sigh* chinese new year really isn't what it used to be back then. it seems everyone's feeling the stress now, some unforseen force has put a 10 ton brick on everyone's shoulders it seems. i mean chinese new year seems to be a passing fad thats very quickly evaporating. it seems nowadays people are just more interested in resting and just lazing around(including myself i must say) then doing stuff that we call traditional and chinesenewyeary. yea there's the ang pows but really think about it, are they doing it as a sign of good luck and fortune or are they just doing it so that the little kids would shut the hell up at let them watch more football(man u lost wakakakakaka!!!!). but i guess i shouldn't complain, as long as they keep giving i'll keep taking i suppose. but one things for sure, i've certainly grown fatter. yup, thanks to all the glorious food..O GLORIOUS FOOD(the ONLY good thing about cny this year next to the ang pows of course) they kept feeding me and feeding me. glorious or chien and you char kuih mmmmm..food*drolls homer style*

well thats that eh. yup thats my chinese new year, my last one here to,off to melbourne next year, my last chance here and what a dissapointment i must say it is. but boo hoo life goes on eh, and as they say, thats all folks join me next time, same place as ever, god knows i ain't movin'

oh..before i forget..have a swinga dingalin chinese new year ya'll!!

p.s. GUYS!!!!TAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLiNd..
LiFehoUse


I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like is was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

After all this time
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know
A part of me died when I let you go
And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

new year review

wazzup peeps..wokay since it is the new year i thought i should do a year 2005 review

so...in the last year i have...

1) talked to ppl i thought i would never talk to
2) mixed with ppl i thought i'd never mix with
3) been SOOOO nervous i thought my heart would explode
4) been SOOOO depressed i thought i might kill myself
5) did things i thought i never had the guts to do
6) became the vice captain
7) was voted as the president of the interact club..(woohoo!!)
8) was admited to the hospital...twice
9) got myself into an accident with a motorcycle
10) and finally...got myself drunk on christmas eve

so i'd say it was a pretty eventfull year...i laughed a whole lot..almost cried for a bit and had so many injuries i tink u could circle the world with my bandages..so yea..i'd say it was a good year and i hope that the next year and the next and the next will only be better

so with that i bid everyone who reads this blog a happy new year and may your years keep getting better and better =)

FAT LIPS!!!!

heys..i jus had the weirdest dream..wokay..so i was at home right after my unfortunate run in with the motorcycle and then my mum calls and says get ready cause were going to go play golf and i said i can't cause my legs screwed and my lips are fat as hell then she says "so what??!! just get ready and i'll pick u up in ten minutes" then suddenly i was in the golf course and i was teeing off the first hole when my dad says "don't you have school today??" and i says to him no..not till nxt monday..then he says "no u have school today!!" and the next thing i know i was in school in my golf attire..and then peter goes up the satge and says "and now we have our vice captain fat lip thomas lead us with the ikrar" and i went all blank for a second then keangston pushed me on the stage and i could see everyone laughing at me and mark tan was saying "yo fat lip thomas fasterlah..wan to rain already!!" then the whole school jus recited the ikrar without me and as soon as they were done it started raining and as i was about to go back to class steffie, lynn , elsa and all you guys said in unison "nice lips thomas!!" which btw was really freaky..then u guys giggled all the wasy back to class and before i knew it i was awake..
i actually have no comments about the dream except that it was uberly freaky and i'm still thinking about it now..i'm begining to think that the accident is begining to take an effect on my self esteem and believe me my parents aren't doing anything to improve that..my dad keeps telling me i look like a fish nad every meal time they ask "sure can eat ah??!!lips so bongkak like that not painfull meh??!!" *sighsighsighsighsigh* ahwell..school's in 3 days and i don't think my lips are getting better so at the moment i'm just hoping for the best and expeting the wrost....=(

accident prone

wassup..update time..well life was kinda boring till today..guess what happened man..i was in an accident..not the kind where u fall on the floor cause someone left a banana on the floor..nope this was an accident kinda accident..to put in plainly i was hit by a motorcycle going at 40 km/hour..so yea..it HURTS..
here's how it went down..u see..i was going to ampang point..a local mall in well ampang..to go register my grade 7 practical exam see..n well all was fine..got there..registered..got out..went to popular to go look see a bit..decided not to buy anything cause i ain't got no cash..so i decide to go back..was waiting hapily at ampang point for a bloody taxi..apparently no taxi wanted to take me home so i decided to cross da main road(first mistake there) n go to the opposite side to get a taxi since all the taxis at the other side hated me so bloody much..so's i was walking..making sure it was a red light first..then i was walking and outa da blue this motorcyle comes outa nowhere and bangs me..next thing i know i was on the road with blood pouring outa my nose..and the guy who hits me says are you fine..and i for one second was going to hit him so hard in the place that matters that he was NEVER going to see sun light again..but i ended up saying i was fine..so he took me to a clinic and i got treatment there..
got to the clinic and got the doctor to examine me..he said i was fine cept for a couple of bruises a wonked right leg n a swollen lip..n i was like wokay..thats good..so he says go to the toilet n clean up den i'll give u some treatment..and so i went and there it was..my lips..i looked at it and thought there's gotta be something wrong with tha mirror..apparently not..so with a lip swollen 3 times its normal size and a bleeding nose he checked me up..i got a couple of shots some medication and i was off..when i called my dad he was like..an accident??clinic??okay..as cool as ya like..i was like wth man..i was hit by a motorcycle..then he came and picked me up..then he was like what happened to your lips..n i was like HELLO!!accident sound familiar??!!
got back home everything was fine till my mum called..man she was pissed..she went on complainin bout how careless i was and that it could've been much wrost and that i was lucky i wasn't hit by a car and that she should've waited for her to come back..then she asked how i was..and i said i had lips like angelina jolie's with an implant..it was a nervous laugh followed by more complaints..not that i don't know it could've got wrost and its not like i don't know that obviously the big guy likes me enough to save my ass..neways i'm fine now..except for a wonked right leg and an extra large lip..i wonder what u guys gonna call me when ya see me at school..i can imagine it..wassup..FAT LIPS??!! -.- '

in memory off..

loneliness is a very common word i'd say...bored "aiyo i sooo lonely la..no frens to tok to"..no money "aiyo..my dompet so lonely lah..no money to fren wif my dompet..belly depressing leh"..but i wonder what a lonely soul would say to its owner.."why am i alone..why doesn't anyone talk to me..isit cause i'm weird..what isit??".."why doesn't anyone bother about me..would it be better if i'd just die?? would it be better if i just cease my existance??"..we happy people don't realise it but there are lots of lonely people out there..people thinking about death every second of the day..we say "so??!! who cares??!! they don't wanna make friends their problem la"..but have we stopped and thought for a second it could be our fault probably..that we may have neglected them..subjected them to such unearthly and alien thoughts..thoughts which we happy people take for granted..i have..have you??
i once knew someone who suffered from the same problem..neglected by his parents neglected by everyone else in the world for that matter..he was a quiet kid..i can't say he was a nice kid or a kind one or a polite one cause i was one of the "them" always insulting him always in bully mode..i never really cared what the consequences were..and after i left primary skool naturally i lost contact of him..a few weeks ago..i had a reunion with some old buddies..when i asked about this boy they said he had died..i asked how and they said he couldn't take it no more..hung himself in school after one of the exams..i was shocked..i didn't believe it..but guess what..it's real..i didn't sleep for nights..i was scared that he would haunt me at first but i began to wonder..could i have done this to him..maybe if i just talked to him..maybe if i just had told my friends to just stop and just....
nasi sudah menjadi bubur..hmph..funny how that proverb just fits into the whole equation..i just want everyone to know that we are humans in every way possible and that we all deserve the same kind of treatment and the same kind of punishment..another persons food should not be anothers poison..don't make the same mistake i did..having a soul tell you that you might have caused his death..up till now i still think bout him and wondered what i coule have done and that guilt will probably never be forgotten but i will make it up to him i want to make it up to him thats why i wrote this blog..to hopefully save others like him by going straight to the source..if you're one of them please just stop, just stop..don't find out years later that you could have caused his death and live with that guilt please..

so i'm back i guess...turkey was fine..and for god's sake don't ask me wether i bought back any turkeys..dude..no..ok..i didn't go all the way to turkey to get back some stinkin turkey which i can easily get at makro for far cheaper than that in turkey..*sigh* m'sians are getting stupider by the day..i've never been really good at writing blogs as u can see by the amount of blogs i've written, yet i don't really know why i keep still do it. kinda kinky if ya ask me..come to tthink of it we do lots of stuff we don't really wanna do no more but just do it...for the sake of doing it..just finished camp at tekam came back today..really tired ..cramped legs..headache..chest pain and every other physical oriented pain/sickness u can think off..and shit..i've got skool and shit i can't think of anythin else to write..so untill nxt time.....

life..sorta

so you sailed away..into a gray skyed morning..the mornings seem gloomier nowadays, but personally i like it, its kinda soothing, if ya know what i mean, maybe its cause i know for a fact that someone out there is sharing what i feel and i suppose the gloominess reminds me that we're only human and that there's always someone out there feeling as shitty as you are sometimes.
today was like any other day i suppose normal, and pretty depressing. i have tons of homework and an add math project to complete by mon, going to some remote place in the outskirts of m'sia tomorrow for my bio thing and definitely(no mistakes this time) not looking forward to it. i envy those who aren't coming(respect to the c class man, half the guys are palnning to boycot the trip*salutes*). interact meeting was allrite i guess, abit disapointed by the members but hey..whats new eh p.s. we finally had a meeting without zabedah there screaming her head off, got a couple of new projects coming up, that should be fun.
as for my prefect life, i'm telling everyone and i hope that everyone is clear bout this, i am NOT ON MOTHERFUCKING EARTH DATING KHAI WEN ,i'm sick of ppl coming up to me and saying "hows the head doing eh?!" pisses the fucking daylights out of me. who i like and what i like is none of your fucking business unless i make it.
right, now that thats taken care off, i suppose theres nothing much left to say, so untill next time..

merdeka blues

yes i'm back after some persuasion and a lot of nothingness i have finally decided to blog again and not let my blog site rot in cyber space which i was ooo so tempted to do^.^
skools not fine as many off you would tend to agree. save for the little bit of insanity we experience through mindless insults and throwing of pants that seem to be lying around in the class every now and then. just got elected as a v.cap, not lookin forward to next year, figuring out how on earth to juggle the interact club and the prefectorial board nxt yr is definately gonna be a whole lot of fun>.<
today we celebrated the hari patirotisme thingy. boring, as usual save the speeches by the students particularly the "sajak daniel chua". sharadah was fine i think, wasn't listening to hers, suelynn's..what can i say, good job matie considering the fact that you were shaking like hell on stage. we also had a couple of speeches by various teachers and as usual you hear the usual bunch of b.s on how they were once young and full of life and that we should learn how to appreciate merdeka more and that merdeka is more than a holiday. well news flash, it is only a holiday, a day where we just lepak in our house and not do anything unless you're like me whose parents are so persistant on you playing golf each time there is a public holiday.
besides the projects, the homework, the constant nagging of teachers on why thomaskohchongxi is not going to japan, the stress levels which seems to be getting higher day by day, and the exams, life is pretty sweet. so untill next time...

sick of it...

i'm sick of it..thats all i have to say right now..just sick of it..this maybe the shortest post you'll ever read but i'm just sick of it..and the best part is NOONE knows what i'm sick of..not like it bloody matters..i dont think you'd even wanna know what it is ..but..there you go..i'm sick of it..

LIFE...

heya..wasnt going to really blog..but i thought to myself..i'm on9..i still have about twenty minutes untill i hit the bed hmmm why not??so here i am after all=)..today was kinda gloomy..with the rain and all..personally..i liked the rain..for one the haze is gone finally*phew*now we all can breath without the fear of being intoxicated or dying of too much carbon monoxide entering our lungs..(booooo)..but back to school as usual(duh)..besides that..i think we all needed the rain..well at least myself..it was kinda relaxing..for one..i didnt have to play golf(lately the thought of playing golf has been *eiik* for me so...horay!!)..managed to also finish some of my work..and sorted out a couple of stuff out..also managed to save sometime for reminiscent which was kinda weird(wont go into details..=p)..*sigh* life has been sooo blardy hectic lately..with all the interviews..prefects farewell party..interact things..and other thing..and more thing..and than there's that thing..*sigh* and i thought form 4 was a breeze...ahwell..like some1 out of the balrdy blue sky decided to say(makes me think who it was and what must have hit him??..) life goes on..and on..and on..and so we live to see the next day again..untill next time..

ps..i'll try getting pics next time..

Rainy days and saturdays.....

ah saturdays..the most beautifull week of the week yet one of the most saddening..beatifull because i can just lepak in the house and noone would give a rats ass..sad because it passes so fast..the fact that morining turns to night at a 3 times the rate a normal ordinary day would kinda sucks..one minute your in your bed thanking god its finally saturday and the next youre infront of your computer complaining how fast the day went(ironic eh??)..today was no exception..i started the day quite good..woke up at 10..went down had my breakfast and watched some tv(bold and beatifull to be exact..what can i say..my mum's a fan)..then went to a friends house for a party(bevy's to be exact..leavin for london on wed..i think..how sad =( gonna miss her..)..had loads of fun there..meet new guyz..saw a couple of fimiliar faces..went for dinnner came back saw the opening game of the epl(mu vs everton..needlees to saw mu won..) and pOOf i'm here on my chair in front of my computer desk writing this..which reminds me..i havent done my homework..>.<..ahwell...what can i say...i love saturdays and i hate saturdays..but life goes on i guess..and at the moment its homework for me..this is it i guess..untill next time......
thomas..in and out=P(i'll try gettin some pics fron the party..)